“Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.” ~ Jesus

(Matthew 12:31 KJV)

As a service to my Christian friends and all Christians that I may encounter in the future, I will now commit the only sin that will not be forgiven. In this way, you can stop worrying about my immortal soul and trying to save me from an eternity on a fiery lake of burning sulfur.

The Holy Spirit is a big jerk. He’s the third wheel of the Godhead and if He just up and left, no one would even notice. No one even cares enough to make statues or paintings of his Spirit Ass for people to worship. His claim to fame is impregnating a young Jewish girl, probably against her will. I don’t think I’d be bragging on that one Spirit dude.

So with that outrageously disrespectful blasphemy complete, there is no way I can ever be forgiven. I’m doomed to be cast into the eternal fire:

“And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.” ~ Jesus

(Matthew 13:42 KJV)

So relax my Christian brothers and sisters, there’s nothing you can do for the post mortem me, but you can do something for me while I’m still alive:

• Stop trying to sell me your Bronze Age tales of demons and spirits because I’m not buying.