Cities ablaze, gunfire in the streets, decaying structures collapsing all around us. Anarchy has taken hold in America and the rule of law has broken down. Looting and pillaging is job #1 in these United States, as our crumbling schools produce illiterate drones who stumble out into the impoverished wasteland to die in gun battles over scraps of food, as the toughest among them organize into gangs hiding in rusted, hollowed out warehouses waiting to ambush the desperately underfunded and poorly equipped law enforcement organizations. No, this is not the plot of a dystopian Hollywood B Movie, but the picture of America painted by its fearless leader. Donald J. Trump, celebrity game show host and Wrestlemania star, has spoken to the people and declared that he alone can repair the disastrous state of our Union that sounds oddly unfamiliar to the thinking person.

This 70-year old alleged billionaire has descended from his gold plated tower to save us from ourselves, seeing unemployments rates only he can see, a stock market waiting to crash that only he can foretell, crime-infested inner cities that only he has seen, as it was only he who saw thousands of Muslims cheering in the streets of New Jersey on that fateful day when terrorists brought havoc to our shores. Donald J. Trump isn’t afraid to tell it like it is and he has told us all that the carnage ends now. Drawing on his long experience of screwing over contractors, investors, creditors and business partners, of bankrupting companies leaving thousands unemployed, of evading taxes and litigating his way to the top of a tower that bears his name, he informs the American people that Washington, DC has done to them what he has always done, but it ends now.

Entering the top job in the nation, having been ushered in by a minority of the populace, Mr. Trump faces a test of character in order to accomplish this promise of giving power over to the people. No longer can he demonize and attack his critics, no more can he ridicule the less fortunate, the disabled, the losers and the haters. He is the voice of the people now, the American people, who salute the same flag and live under the protection of an all powerful deity. With the lowest support of any man entering the White House before him, he will have to open his mind and listen to the voices of those he is claiming to represent. It is not within the realm of possibility that any leader can secure the support of all the people, but Mr. Trump will now have the arduous task of finding out what the majority of the desperate American people want, so that he may deliver to them the things he has promised.

A new American landscape will emerge behind the leadership of Donald J. Trump. All across this land, new roads will be built, new bridges and tunnels, new railways and airports. American labor will build this magnificent land of the future. We will free not just America, but the entire planet of disease. We will unlock the mysteries of space, because we all bleed the blood of patriotism. Yes, America is a complete disaster today as Mr. Trump looks out the window of his 757, but Donald J. Trump knows how to bring about greatness, not just for a chosen few, but for all Americans in every city near and far, small and large, from mountain to mountain, from ocean to ocean. Donald J. Trump is a man of the people, the voice of the voiceless, who knows how to win, and winning after all, is what every American dreams of. Fear not citizens, your days of huddling in terror are over.