Trump sucks at lying

As Dr. Gregory House taught us; it’s a fundamental truth of the human condition: everyone lies. The only variable is about what. The insane thing about Trump is that while he lies so much and so often, about literally anything, he is so awful at it. There’s nothing even remotely believable about a Trump lie. He always sounds like he’s making shit up on the spot, it rarely makes any sense, and he has patterns he falls into making it clear he’s in it deep. He likes to say that everyone is saying, or lots of people are saying a particular tale he is fabricating. Or he invents imaginary phone calls from imaginary friends who tell him the lie he is about to spew. He also loves to say that no one knew a thing he just learned so as to not look like the ignorant buffoon he is. I know the Washington Post is tracking his lies since taking office and he’s in the 10,000+ club so far. But today’s brazen mistruths show how freaking dangerous it is to have this kind of pathological bullshitter in a position of authority.

As someone who loves to watch TV and use the once kind of cute social media platform turned abyss of hatred that is Twitter, Trump opines on all manner of shit he sees on TV. From what I can tell, other than golf and eating Filet O’ Fish, this is all he does. When he fucks up and gets something wrong, like he did over the weekend, he is so insecure and so narcissistic, the same way he can’t let anyone think he just learned a rather obvious fact by saying that a lot of people didn’t know it, he refuses to admit he made a mistake. Ever.

Even though the President of the United States has access to all manner of information from the highest sources of government, he gets his information from cable TV and then broadcasts something he just saw on TV to his Twitter account to make him seem knowledgeable and intelligent. This time, it was about Hurricane Dorian (which I currently await here in breezy, drizzly Charleston, SC). He mistakenly said that Alabama was in its path and could get hit much harder than anticipated. As you might imagine, this is rather alarming coming from the leader of the nation as one would assume he knows shit others don’t. The National Weather Service, one of those government agencies that Trump could get information from, had to correct him on Twitter and calm the people of Alabama by telling them that no, Dorian would have no impact on Alabama.

Instead of saying, my bad, Trump refused to back down. He insisted that Alabama was in the original models, that he had been briefed on it, and then to top it off, held up a clearly (and poorly) doctored hurricane map showing a black Sharpie circle added on to the Hurricane Cone!

Now we can argue about who drew that childish black semi circle onto that map, but the point is rather moot. That’s the President holding it up and telling the American people that look, I was not wrong, here’s the map to prove it. The map is one of Trump’s classic poorly told lies. It’s so obvious that it’s a lie that it’s embarrassing. Again though, dangerous coming from the man who has the authority and power to wage war.

He then had a press conference where he again insisted that Alabama was in the models he was presented, and denied knowing that the map he had just held up was doctored. I’d love to say this is just another petty lie like when he fucked up Apple CEO Tim Cook’s name, calling him Tim Apple, and then refusing to admit the mistake, claiming he said Tim Cook, just really quietly so no one heard him. I’d love to say that, but I can’t. This is too important, too illustrative of the lengths he is willing to go to avoid admitting any error of any kind, and it has the potential to be truly catastrophic.

I have looked everywhere for a Dorian tracking model showing a possible path leading to Alabama. Maybe it exists, but even using the experimental Spaghetti Models, I can’t find it.

We all know, at least those of us not beholden to Trump for some incomprehensible reason, that Trump is a bullshitter. He lies about anything and everything, including that his wife and Kim Jung Un really hit it off. The White House later had to state that Melania Trump had never met the North Korean dictator who Donald Trump has fallen in love with. But what amazes me is just how truly shitty he is at lying. You’d think with all the practice he gets, he’d develop some skill, but he’s just really, really bad at it.

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